Fighting the fight

Today I sat and watched my one year old happily feed himself all of his lunch, try new foods and enjoy it.

This is how it's meant to be and I can see that now.

Now we have a second child I can see all the things that L should have done but wouldn't or couldn't. And although you shouldn't compare too much the differences are sometimes quite alarming. And it actually reassures me in my fears I talked about the other day - that it isn't something we've inadvertently done.

But it's hard to think about and makes me feel sad. When you're a mum you want to make everything perfect for your children, to make them happy all day, everyday, for them to be healthy and happy and to enjoy life. But sometimes things are out of our control - we can't stop them falling over or getting upset when another child steals their toys. And we can't control their health. But we can be there for them and fight for them, be their voice and get them the help they deserve.

And it shouldn't be a fight - they should get the help they need as soon as they need it. But sadly, all too often you do have to fight.

And that's how it feels right now - fighting insurance companies to pay for treatment, fighting doctors to fill in forms properly and send letters when they say they will, fighting people to listen and to understand.

And it's tiring, so tiring. And everything else gets pushed aside - housework, friends, paperwork and paying bills. But nothing else matters. All that matters is getting your little one better so they can enjoy life and do normal childhood things.

And so I take a deep breath and hope that when I wake up tomorrow I am  ready to battle on.